I lost half a pound, but no one clapped for me. They clapped for the big losers the ones who lost 4-7 pounds. They were a lot bigger than me and had so much more to loose. I consistently woke up at 5am and worked out for 35 minutes. I sweated, I ached – I had to go to bed early some nights because of how tired I was. The scale rewarded me with half a pound loss – no one rewarded me with a well done or a clap. I googled – apparently it’s water retention and will show on the scales a few days later.

The next weigh in day came and I put on my jeans and they fitted so much better. I felt amazing – I can see the results in the mirror I am getting more toned. I felt great – but then I stood on the sad step and it rewarded me with a gain. I left, I cried on the way home.

That was my last week of the countdown and the following week I need to pay again. Paying to stand on a scale and feel like a failure does not align with my current goals – I am trying to clear debt and loose weight. I didn’t join Slimming World because I hated myself. I joined because I wanted hope, it worked for me before but the format of the group seems to have changed recently the plan no longer feels supportive and it actually making me feel sad.

My experience does not align with me anymore and so I am walking away. Quitting Slimming World is not me giving up on myself, I am choosing myself.

Instead I will continue to work out as it makes me feel good and I feel better physically and mentally for it. I will listen to my hunger cues and monitor my progress with calorie tracking apps such as My Fitness Pal or Team RH so that I can work out what is the right level for me.

If Slimming World works for you, that’s okay. If it doesn’t that’s okay too, it is okay to quit when something isn’t working and try a different way, we are allowed to change our minds.

This is the end of this chapter and the start of a new one – tracking my calories and working out what works for me. I’ll be sharing more about food, money, healing and abundance as I go.

If you have had any success with any of the calorie tracking apps – please let me know, I can’t quite decided whether to go down the Team RH or My Fitnesspal route.